Over the past year, several great men whom I've have the privilege to know, passed away. Each of them left behind a beautiful legacy. And it's made me think a lot about the legacy I would leave behind.
I want to be the best wife and mother possible to my husband and kids. That's what they deserve. I want to be a good Christan woman. I want to be a devoted friend and confidant. I want to make a difference somewhere, somehow.
In other words, I have a lot of work to do. To me, being the best wife possible means being patient, loving, understanding, accepting, and encouraging. I do feel like I am all these things for William
most of the time. Sure we have our disagreements, but I can honestly say I can't imagine being in a better marriage. We talk through everything. We hold no secrets. And we communicate openly and freely. So what's the problem? I'm not
always these things. I need to be more patient and willing to deviate from my plan. I need to be more flexible with my scheduling. I need to take more time to tell William how important he is to me and how I can't imagine my life without him.
And how do I see myself as a mother? I think I'm a good mother. I put my kids well-being in front of
everything else. I spend my days nurturing them and caring for them. I also spend my days worrying about them. But like most every other mother I know, I almost never feel like I'm doing enough. I obsess over the fact that I don't have my children in a regular play group, etc. I worry that I'm not taking the necessary steps to help them reach each of the developmental milestones. I need to spend less time worrying about picking up their books and more time reading to them. I need to let the laundry go and play tea party with Megan and wrestle with Andrew. I need to quit worrying about the fact that Andrew has to start kindergarten in 10 short months (!!!) and instead appreciate the fact that I have 10 months left to spend each and every day loving on him.
And my Christian life? I know I'm a Christian. I believe in an awesome God and feel I have a good relationship with him. But we all need to strive to be more like Jesus, right? And I'll admit I've been faced with many family challenges in the last year that has tested my willingness to forgive and forget and well, I sometimes fail at that. All I can do is pray and trust God will show me the way. And I do that all the time. I take my kids to church, I talk to them about Jesus and His love for them. I strive to set a good example - something else I sometimes fail at. But I am trying. And for now, that's all I can do. My goal is to show my children the importance of living for Jesus and trusting Him. I think there is no greater accomplish in life than leading your children to God.
And as far as my friends... I have a lot of acquaintances, but I'm blessed enough to have a few people I consider my very best friends. These are the people I confide in, the people I pray for, the people for whom I wish only the very best. I only hope I am as good a friend to them as they are to me. I've found once kids join the mix, it's hard to focus on friend-type relationships, but I hope I've done an okay job reminding my dearest friends how very important they are to me, in both good times and bad.
I'm not sure what it is I want to do that will make me feel like I've made a difference somewhere, somehow. Maybe it doesn't even extend outside my household. Maybe the fact that I nurture my kids, teach them things, and believe in everything they do is enough. And maybe the fact that I help William manage this household in a way so that we are afford many luxuries - like the opportunity for me to stay at home with my kids - is how I make a difference. I'm not sure yet.
But going back to those men I referred to at the beginning of the post...first and foremost, I speak of my grandfather. I'm so lucky to have known him, to have been named after him (his name was Kenneth), to have witnesses his love for his wife and children. He was a faithful, nurturing, and strong man. I miss him everyday.
And this past September, two more men I had the privilege of knowing passed within days of each other. Mr. Mark Clem was former coworker of mine. He was the type of man who respected my opinions and believed in my abilities. But he was also the type of man who spoke of his love for his family and his God everyday. He was strong Christian who stood up for what he believed in, and you can't help but admire that.
And finally, Mr. Sam Cope. Sam was the father of my sister-in-law (Julie) and he was a really great man. He was a Vietnam War Veteran, a strong Christian believer who served others far and wide through his mission work, a devoted husband, a loving father, and a doting grandfather to three beautiful little girls. I always enjoyed visiting with Sam. He often told me how great he thought my kids were and always shared the sweetest smile. He was a joy to be around.
I know Pop, Mark, and Sam are all resting at the feet of Jesus. My Pop no longer suffers from Alzheimers and Mark and Sam now have strong, healthy hearts. I think of their legacies everyday. They inspire me.
